I remember feeling awkward about my hair as a teenager. It was neither straight nor quite curly - just somewhere in between. I begged my mum to cut my hair like Brenda’s from Beverly Hills 90210, but heartily regretted the decision afterwards. The fringe thing just wasn’t happening for me.
I’ll never forget the ear deafening silence when I entered my class room the next day with my umbrella shaped fringe. So quiet that tumbleweed aimlessly blew across the class room floor to the sound of a hollow wind. I tried to joke my way out of it, but was so utterly embarrassed I just about managed to drag myself to my desk.
I don’t know why this situation bothered my so much, but it did. It seemed to ring a bell of warning that I didn’t know how to respond to. Or just didn’t want to. Confronting questions around hair and identity just seemed like such an insurmountable task.
So the “beauty obsession train” just kept a ‘rollin. In college I’d never leave my house without make-up on. I watched beauty commercials in admiration as models meticulously applied their eye liner and foundation; bought a foundation at a local pharmacy which remotely suited my skin tone, then copied the process like it was a near extinct tribal ritual that would die out if I didn’t do it justice.
I wish there was a way of travelling back in time to tell that young girl how lovely she already was without the add-on’s. And her being me I could tell her with real conviction, hand on heart, that all those things she desired really wouldn’t make a difference in the long run. I’d tell her about the many experiences she’d have, the places she’d travel to, the interesting people she’d meet - and most importantly I’d tell her about the love of God. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve saved a lifetime in front of the mirror, many hours of self depreciating agony, and many hours of trying to find my way back to sanity. I now look at old school pictures and have to ask “what in the world was I thinking?” And I am, too, surprised at how clearly I remember my friends’ minority complexes; nose too big, too tall, hair too thin or too thick, toes too crooked or a bit too long. Picking yourself apart like this is a special skill that only requires an open and willing mind; anyone can learn it whatever culture, class or race.
It’s sad that teenage girls, and many adult women, spend so much time being ridiculously obsessed about what they think are their physical flaws. And it doesn’t help that over time, cultural perceptions of beauty change, sometimes favouring voluptuous women and at other times very slim ones. We fight tooth and nail to fill our wardrobes with the “next best thing” and once we arrive at the ideal, the ideal changes and we find ourselves on an illusory journey chasing shadows. It’s like pursuing someone who’s playing hard to get; we think maybe they just need to be chased a little bit more before they give in to our irresistible charms. But it never happens. And we’re always left heartbroken.
I don’t know about you, but the change I want done is from the inside out. The most significant change I can experience takes place in my heart, and the overflow of this will be new thoughts, words and actions reflective of that change. Jesus beautifies us. Our focus should be to abide in Christ, and if we do, the Holy Spirit will produce the fruit, and this fruit will be the result of our intimate relationship with God.
It isn’t something we can conjure up on our own.
Thankfully.
I love John 15 verse 4 “Remain in me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
Authentic beauty cannot be found in fashionable trends or magazines and cannot be bought at a price. Someone once said “No one is saved by a gospel of self confidence” and it’s so true. Jesus reached down to us in our dirty rags and restored us unto Him when nothing in us was worthy.
More importantly, God created us wonderfully, fearfully, perfectly and no matter how we feel about ourselves, in spite of our perceived flaws, as a Father, He believes in us all the way.
It’s up to us if we believe what He says about us or not.
