Love wins

As I was reflecting and reacting to the tragic news of what's happened in Paris and thinking of the people who suffered from the loss of those who have died, I was left feeling sad and somewhat perplexed. These were just everyday people enjoying a beautiful evening in a beautiful city – yet they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In the aftermath, many people took to social media to express dissatisfaction on why certain other tragedies around the world had not received as much coverage as Paris. The media were criticised for being biased in their selection of news stories. “Why is the media not covering this?” was the expression of several updates on my Facebook feed. Facebook enabled people to change their profile photo to the French flag to reflect their sympathy for France. Though, many questioned whether people would have changed their photos to the Lebanese flag after the Beirut bombings the day before. Others questioned why we mourn someone else’s tragedy on social media in such great detail; a tragedy that we have no direct involvement in, and whether this was empathy or narcissism.

Personally, I did not change my photo, because I felt that it would cheapen or minimise the horrific reality of what is going on all around the world all the time. My heart is with the world- not just the ones who live near me. I have certainly been guilty of retreating to the safe ground of superiority, building a wall around myself, a wall of protection from engaging with what is on the 'outside', stayed in a mansion filled with others who think and talk the same way as I do. But I am on a journey of learning how to love well, to be a relational woman who is able to understand and love people, and be honest about life. The radical nature of Jesus’s teaching is that we are valued because we are children of God, whether female or male, slave or free, educated or not. We are never just economic units integrated into God’s business, but children adopted into his family, with a mandate to love and to serve. Not win.

Winning is an outcome. When we become obsessed with outcomes, we can lose sight of the journey; lose sight of who we are, how we got there, and lose appreciation for the value of the people who do not "win". It feels like the world seems obsessed with winning at everything. This translates from wars to the athletic arena to the top of the corporate ladder.

Many things about Jesus flies right in the face of what our culture says is important about winning. Sometimes Jesus’ words just jolt me awake because they are so offensive to the culture in which I live. In Luke 9:23, Jesus makes an extremely counter-cultural statement, when He says to possible disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” In a world where everything revolves around self —protect yourself, promote yourself, comfort yourself, and take care of yourself - Jesus says crucify yourself; put aside all self-preservation in order to live for God’s glorification, no matter what that means for you in the culture around you. From the very beginning, then, this kind of life involves going against the grain of the culture around us - and for that matter- within us.

For generations, followers of God have been told to love one another. They were even commanded to love strangers, foreigners and travellers. 

Jesus wanted followers that understood that love wasn’t always easy. It is actually really hard sometimes, and it may not always be safe. But it is always good. 

I understand why what has happened in Paris has received a different reaction to what happened the day before in Beirut for example. Something happening on the same continent is going to receive a different reaction, because it hits close to home. That is just how it is, and I totally understand that. But as Christians we are called beyond just caring about our immediate neighbours.

Sometimes I feel certain issues are “too difficult to think about”or I question what I could possibly have to say. But this is not the point; sometimes the most authentic response is just to open ourselves up to the suffering of other people, whether we have the answers or not because prayer is not always about solving problems. As Max Lucado writes, we live in a broken world in desperate need of a generation of people who will respond in faith to the fear of the current times. Every such battle ultimately is a spiritual battle, and a contest with the enemy and his forces, which we must acknowledge.

Yet the good news is that hatred may win some battles....but love always wins in the end.

Onto water.

I am sitting on my bed, looking out at the night sky, as I write.  

Lately lots of things seem to be falling into place, which I am thankful to God for. Yet amidst all the external stuff, I sense a quiet voice inside me beckoning me to deeper levels and higher heights. It feels like divine discontent. It's great to be at rest and content in whatever season we are in, but I also think we are born with innate desire to be fruitful and to live purpose filled lives. This inevitably involves a level of risk and fearlessness. This year I have met some wonderful people who have opened my eyes to new things – new ways of doing life and thinking about life. One of my colleagues is a former professional basketball player. Recently he was telling me about how he used to prepare himself for a game. He would spend hours watching games with his opponent, study their moves, and enact various strategies in his mind. Basically he had already played out the game in his mind before he ever set foot on the basketball court. It got me thinking about the art of preparation. It’s a paradox because I usually overdo it when preparing myself for certain things, and sometimes I don’t prepare myself enough. I haphazardly do it first and check later to see if I did it right, or if it came out well. I sometimes get in my own way, when it really matters, because maybe I want to remain in my comfort zone. It has taken me a while to accept that that I do not need any elaborate credentials to be used by God in the area of my gifting. All I have to do is have a heart for Him … and a willingness to get out of the boat.

I have in the past like Esther been situated in a place I did not want to be in. I like to think that God placed me there for a purpose. Esther was terrified at the thought of living in a Harem, but God was not worried. I can almost hear God saying “you got this, girrl”. God knew that she had the right heart and attitide to undergo this difficult process, although she doubted herself. No matter how insignificant we may feel, God never makes mistakes. The harem was Esther’s doorway to the throne. Without the training and preparation she received there, she would have never become a queen. Similarly, I have often found that the most difficult seasons of my life have proven to be doorways into times of incredible purpose. 

I am constantly looking for something new to achieve. I want to be a part of something bigger. I have found no reason to disconnect my intellect in order to believe what the bible teaches, but have instead found that the more science I embrace, the more I understand the claims of my faith.

I doubt. I listen. I walk away. I come back. I marvel. I sing. I receive answers to prayers. I am met with silence. Living out my faith day by day is an adventure that can feel random. I interact with people for moments at a time and attempt to say something, that may be encouraging; I have conversations with children at work, and perhaps I share just a bit of my faith with that taxi driver. One thing I know for certain. It is not possible to remain in the maze of mediocrity and simultaneously live for something bigger than myself. Discovering and living my purpose is an adventure that involves risk. Like Esther, responding to God’s call to fulfil my purpose in life requires me to journey beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone. Jesus never seemed to hesitate in telling people to leave their familiar lives for the unfamiliar path of following him.

A Christian reflection on Darwin

"In the beginning was an explosion in the cosmos, followed by evolution and natural selection, followed by the survival and extinction of certain races”

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made”

I was an atheist for about five minutes when I was younger. I then realised that I believed in the non existence of God because some really "cool" people around me held these beliefs, not because I had ever truly thought through whether this way of looking at things made any sense or whether another viewpoint might be more logical and explain more of the world or my experiences. Among other things, it left out experiences that I knew to be real; ignored the power of spirituality; and failed to explain the limits of what my human mind was capable of grasping.

Years later, after becoming a Christian, I held an interesting conversation with a Russian atheist colleague on the subject of science and religion. We got along well as colleagues, don’t get me wrong, but when I told her I was a Christian, she looked at me as if I believed that it is the stork that brings babies. I asked her how it is possible for dead matter to suddenly become dynamic organisms. “It’s not possible”, she replied “but no new evidence suggests otherwise so that’s what we believe” “The existence of God cannot be proven either”, she added, and so the conversation kept going around in circles.

I was talking ‘religion’, and she was talking ‘science’.

Any questioning was seen as negative argument and would not be accepted by her unless new evidence proved otherwise. It was like a criminal defendant not allowed to present an alibi unless he or she could also prove who committed the crime.

Darwinist literature is full of anti-theistic ideas such as that the universe has no intelligent creator and that human beings are the product of a blind natural process. Richard Dawkins, an Oxford Zoologist, is very explicit about the religious side of Darwinism. His 1986 book “The blind Watchmaker” is at one level about biology, but at a more fundamental level it is an argument for atheism. In it he writes “Darwin made it intellectually possible to be a fulfilled atheist (...) it is absolutely safe to say that if you meet somebody who claims not to believe in evolution, that person is ignorant, stupid or insane”.

Charles Darwin published his first major literary work in 1859 called “On the origin of species by means of natural selection or the preservation of favoured races in the struggle of life”. Now more than 150 years later its contents are being taught in schools and is still widely controversial. Darwin was also described as “the man who killed God”. His theory suggests that all living species are the result of an explosion in the cosmos, followed by evolution and natural selection, which in turn determined the survival and extinction of certain races. For example, if a small population of birds happen to migrate to an island the inbreeding might cause this population to develop different characteristics than those left behind on the mainland.

Do we really know for certain that there exists some natural process by which human beings and all other beings could have evolved from microbial ancestors or from non living matter? Science seems to be understood in two ways. As a discipline based on observable data, and as a naturalistic philosophy that attempts to explain the reason for our existence.

I think the problem lies in this polarised perception. The idea of an intelligent creator suggests supernatural and religious subject matter, typically the point at which Darwinists lose interest. Christianity is perceived as sentimental because no one can see and measure God, and if it cannot be measured then it doesn’t exist. Yet, our conscience exists even though we cannot see it. The scientist Gould argued “Darwin himself exclaimed that science could not touch the problem of evil and similar conundrums. He himself stated, a dog might as well speculate on the mind of Newton. Let each man hope and believe what he can”.

Why does it matter? It matters because our beliefs determine our outlook toward our world, ourselves, other people and God. I am writing as one participating in the debate, sorting out of bits of knowledge, ideas, and while I am quite certain of what I believe in, I am also open to learning from others of varying beliefs. I believe that the complexity of our planet points to an intelligent designer who not only created our universe, but sustains it right now. I'm no scientist, but I think it takes a lot of faith to believe that 'something' can come from 'nothing'. The universe has not always existed. It had a beginning...and something must have caused that beginning. Think about it.

Jars of clay

I woke up this morning to the sound of waves crashing against the shore, and the smell of mum's freshly brewed coffee. Its’ gone be a good day. It’s on days like today that I like to write. There is no need to wolf down my breakfast or rush to catch a train. But today, as I begin typing, I realise it’s been the longest time since I’ve written anything other than academic papers.

I have been on placement in a mental health organisation since November, which has been a steep learning curve for me as I’ve little experience from the mental health sector. Nevertheless, empowering others is an amazing feeling, especially when done genuinely. Skills are important, but, sometimes, I wonder if I am relying on God less and less in the areas where I think my own capabilities suffice. I sense that, sometimes, I am trying to fit God into a box of my own making, telling Him what needs to be done to make me happy. It’s in this place that Paul’s words ‘we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us’ really come to life for me. I am an empty jar. He is my treasure. And as for those flaws and cracks in my clay pot, they are not to be frowned upon, because they are there for a reason. The cracks allow the light of God to stream through.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Grace is one of those wonderful things I don’t have to earn. I know many Christians who embody ‘grace’ yet somehow throughout history the church has managed to gain a reputation for it’s lack of grace. Sometimes Christians are so at ease with the language of religion, moral values, church talk, that they sometimes, inadvertently, claim to own God. As if Christianity can be narrowed down to two or three issues; as if the Holy Spirit can be bought and sold. I will not explore or debate the historical examples here, but my point is that Christianity isn’t as simple as ‘text book’ answers. What does it mean to be a Christian today? Is it about going to church and being a “good” person i.e. someone who loves the right kind of things in the right kind of way with the right kind of love? Or about something else entirely?

A friend of mine passed away this year. There were no farewells or chances to express how big a difference her life made to mine. I went to Copenhagen to spend some time with her family who were grieving the loss of a sister, daughter, mother, friend. I didn't know what to say; just joined in with the family in the hope that, at some small level, my presence was a support to them, and helped them to know that I, too, would miss her an awful lot. All of our experiences with her can be remembered, celebrated or regretted, but they can never be retrieved. Life is one of those things in which you can only move forward, but the good news is that you can take the love with you. I can honestly say, that it was God who helped me in coming to terms with her death. You know those moments when a beam of light reflects through the clouds and you go ‘wow’? I know without a shadow of doubt that every ounce of healing I have ever received has been from the boundless healing fountain of God. The God that keeps on giving and doesn’t withdraw, even though I have turned my back on Him a thousand times.

It’s not about going to church or being morally superior. Neither is it necessarily about striving to have more; because when God establishes His upside-down Kingdom ... less is more. Christianity is about relationship, intimacy and newness of life (Romans 6:8).

At the same time, I am also aware that I need to examine myself daily for pride and a self centeredness that often motivate my thoughts and actions, but even then ‘His eye is on the sparrow’. As John Ortberg highlights, trying and failing, learning from failure, and trying again works so much better than waiting for perfection. And, for me, this process is fuelled by the knowledge that the grace of God sustains me throughout.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:38-39).

It’s one of my favourite scriptures because it speaks of a God who wants to restore us to intimacy. Philip Yancey tells a story about the shocking accessibility that the word ‘Abba’ contains. One time during JFK’s presidency, cabinet members were debating world politics seated around the president’s desk when, suddenly, a toddler, little 2 year old John-John crawls on top of the presidential desk completely oblivious to protocol. No one could barge into the Oval Office to see the president without an appointment, but John-John was simply visiting his ‘daddy’ much to his father’s delight. Restoring intimacy.

So being ‘authentic’ is good. Not having to always say the ‘right’ thing is great. We are all cracked jars of clay. Don’t try to fix them, just allow God to use them. Releasing hurt is healing. Forgiving others is liberating. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re holding on to pain or hurt, consider letting go, or forgiving if that’s what your situation calls for. “When we genuinely forgive” Lewis Smedes says “we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us”.

Throughout, the grace of God sustains...

I leave with you one of my favourite songs (just because!)

You Are For Me

Redefining Value

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves" Thomas Edison

In school, after being taught the history of the Vikings, and how they settled across Asia and America, we were taught about the wonders of self help mantras. A sandal wearing curly-haired guest teacher came along and encouraged us to always think positively, because apparently positive thoughts would give us the power to attract financial wealth.

On the cusp of graduation, we were pondering future career paths and, being impressionable, it seemed like we held the keys to success with new age lady lending us her pearls of wisdom. Being hormonal teenagers we knew we couldn’t remain permanently blissful as if having undergone extreme face lifts, but gave it a whirl anyway. We imagined the massive graduation parties we could throw and the great food we could treat our guests to. In this spirit we began uttering self help mantras whilst looking in the mirror.

I am strong. I am powerful.

Our dreams imploded in a puddle of recrimination and sulking as we digested the harsh reality that this supposed money spinner wasn’t going to turn us into millionaires. We became angry teenagers grade one, when normally we were only a grade three.

Why? Because when you’re loooking for purpose, and someone promises to give you that but doesn’t deliver, it’s just. not. cool. The self-help industry is a billion dollar enterprise that claims to sell hope, as though some divine blessing comes included. But it’s not hope it’s selling, it’s despair. This is why I can understand when young people get angry today. We all know that crime doesn't pay, but young people are not born angry. They don’t just spontaneously combust on a lazy afternoon. Their views and beliefs develop as they grow up. Many have been at the receiving end of unfulfilled promises for quite some time, feeling unheard and misunderstood. Young people love to discuss their hopes and dreams with each other – most parents and teachers encourage them to reach their full potential. However something happens somewhere along the line, and they stop believing big. The only way they know to cover up their hurts is to stop caring, and eventually they can’t stand the agony of trying to connect again so they shut down.
In the wake of the recent riots, theories of roots and causes abounded. The thing is that riots tend to tell us something important about society and what is going on. The train of thought I found most interesting focused on reasons why we tend to define ‘value’ in terms of economic contribution and status, when human beings have value that doesn't depend on external factors. We have turned the word on its head; calibrated it from every angle; wrestled with it until daybreak yet if we look the word up in a dictionary - definitions tend to be centered around monetary value. And when human value is mentioned, an uncomfortable silence ensues, like just before women reject compliments from men they dont' know because they're concerned about their motives.

There is a sense of injustice among many young people that they cannot trust the ‘suits’ as they read the headlines about banks paying ridiculous bonuses, MPs claiming on houses that do not exist and police being paid by newspapers. Surely these are just glorified forms of ‘looting’ and they see themselves as following suit. It's not about the riots, rather, it's about the symptoms of a widespread sickness in our society. It should unsettle us, where we are part of fuelling a tendency that disenfranchises people who have very little to lose. Because everyone loses out in the end. Because what is natural is God-given and beautiful; what is cultural is learned and sometimes needs to be unlearned. King David was chosen as King over all his brothers because he was a man after God's own heart, not because he was the strongest or the smartest.

“But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." (The Message - 1 Samuel 16:7)

I am created by the God who has created all things and given everything its form and its purpose. So are you. Let that truth settle in your heart.

The urban beatitudes

Blessed are not just the winners that society thinks are deserving

Blessed are not just the supermodels and the super-rich

Blessed are not just the conglomerate businesses, or those dripping with diamonds

Blessed are not just the nuclear families with 2,5 children

Blessed are -also- the penny scrapers, the city dwellers and the hustlers

Blessed are the prostitutes, the shameful, the forlorn and the addicted

Blessed are those who never dealt in social power, the marginalised and those who never felt they belonged in high school

Blessed are the brave, the wall flowers, the single and the married

Blessed are the pillars, the black sheep, the parents who can’t afford a nervous breakdown

Blessed are those who fail but keep trying

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness...

For they shall be filled.

Acts of kindness

Apparently this is the coldest December in the UK since records began, and along with many other people I was bedridden with a really nasty virus! I had to think of ways to entertain myself when I was unable to move around, such as counting the dots in the ceiling. This was a bit of a culture shock especially since life seems to happen in a blur of non stop busyness. One day merges into the next, there’s the hectic work culture, fast food, and coffee shops on every street corner with the promise to satisfy our much needed energy fix. Being sick in bed made me feel like I was missing out on all the action. It was kind of similar to watching Beckett’s play ‘Waiting For Godot’- it’s slow moving, doesn’t make sense or have any deeper meaning.

I think if I knew I could get away with running around like a headless chicken I probably would, only to discover when was too late that there’s a price to pay in poor health. I heard on the news that work related stress costs the UK around 500 million pounds and 14 million working days every year. I know stress is bad, but I’ve always thought that some stress is necessary in order to get things done. For example, the other day I was late for an appointment. I was standing in a long queue at Tesco’s being served by a slow cashier, and the person in front of me couldn’t find the correct change. The last thing I wanted to do was think about effective ways to manage my stress. Instead I looked around for a shorter queue, and thought that I should have looked for the more efficient-looking cashier. Preferably the one with a talent badge. But the moaning just made me feel worse, because I really had no right to moan about something so trivial.

I think trivial moaning is a demotivator. For example, when the Israelites were being led out of slavery and oppression, it took them some 40 years of wandering in the desert to make an 11 day journey because they couldn’t stop whining and complaining about being stuck in the desert. An abundant stress-free life doesn’t mean an absence of adversity, it’s more about how we grow in the midst of it. No longer do I want to learn the hard way through stress & illness. So when I have deadlines, I try make extra sure that I don't jump out of my bed in the morning without spending quality time with God first. I don’t go to bed so late that I’m on the train so exhausted I begin imagining things. I stop myself from getting annoyed when the person next to me has his iPod leaking the not so dulcit tones of 80's electronica.

Some perspective is needed:

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Mark 8:36

Sometimes the little things help maintain perspective. Little random acts of kindness help give life to us and others, a smile on a long and tiresome train journey, a kind word in season, or help with a heavy suitcase.