Onto water.

I am sitting on my bed, looking out at the night sky, as I write.  

Lately lots of things seem to be falling into place, which I am thankful to God for. Yet amidst all the external stuff, I sense a quiet voice inside me beckoning me to deeper levels and higher heights. It feels like divine discontent. It's great to be at rest and content in whatever season we are in, but I also think we are born with innate desire to be fruitful and to live purpose filled lives. This inevitably involves a level of risk and fearlessness. This year I have met some wonderful people who have opened my eyes to new things – new ways of doing life and thinking about life. One of my colleagues is a former professional basketball player. Recently he was telling me about how he used to prepare himself for a game. He would spend hours watching games with his opponent, study their moves, and enact various strategies in his mind. Basically he had already played out the game in his mind before he ever set foot on the basketball court. It got me thinking about the art of preparation. It’s a paradox because I usually overdo it when preparing myself for certain things, and sometimes I don’t prepare myself enough. I haphazardly do it first and check later to see if I did it right, or if it came out well. I sometimes get in my own way, when it really matters, because maybe I want to remain in my comfort zone. It has taken me a while to accept that that I do not need any elaborate credentials to be used by God in the area of my gifting. All I have to do is have a heart for Him … and a willingness to get out of the boat.

I have in the past like Esther been situated in a place I did not want to be in. I like to think that God placed me there for a purpose. Esther was terrified at the thought of living in a Harem, but God was not worried. I can almost hear God saying “you got this, girrl”. God knew that she had the right heart and attitide to undergo this difficult process, although she doubted herself. No matter how insignificant we may feel, God never makes mistakes. The harem was Esther’s doorway to the throne. Without the training and preparation she received there, she would have never become a queen. Similarly, I have often found that the most difficult seasons of my life have proven to be doorways into times of incredible purpose. 

I am constantly looking for something new to achieve. I want to be a part of something bigger. I have found no reason to disconnect my intellect in order to believe what the bible teaches, but have instead found that the more science I embrace, the more I understand the claims of my faith.

I doubt. I listen. I walk away. I come back. I marvel. I sing. I receive answers to prayers. I am met with silence. Living out my faith day by day is an adventure that can feel random. I interact with people for moments at a time and attempt to say something, that may be encouraging; I have conversations with children at work, and perhaps I share just a bit of my faith with that taxi driver. One thing I know for certain. It is not possible to remain in the maze of mediocrity and simultaneously live for something bigger than myself. Discovering and living my purpose is an adventure that involves risk. Like Esther, responding to God’s call to fulfil my purpose in life requires me to journey beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone. Jesus never seemed to hesitate in telling people to leave their familiar lives for the unfamiliar path of following him.